Ikea 'n stuff..

Tackled one of those flat pack furniture things at the weekend. Very easy to put together but not sure about the quality... never mind all the unnecessary waste!

Oi Dyson!

More proof that James Dyson wasted his life. Meet Hetty. Ain't she pretty?

It Sucks...

Have you seen those ads for the new Dyson vacuum cleaner; you know the one with the ball for going around corners? Looks like that James Dyson fella has come up with another well engineered product. But I gotta say, in spite of being vastly technically superior, I actually don’t know anyone nor have I met anyone who owns a Dyson vacuum. Whereas I’ve know lots of people who own Henry the Vacuum. You know Henry, he’s the cute vacuum cleaner with the big eyes and his nose cleverly doubles up as the hose!

So are the fancy-schmancy Dyson vacuum cleaners are a classic example of over thinking? Mr. Dyson, you’ve wasted your life developing the “revolutionary” Cyclone system. All you really needed to do was print some cutesy eyes on a standard hoover and make it available in 3 different colours. We love you Henry!

Separated at Birth..

The Apprentice's Alan Sugar and Carry On's Sid James..

Red Hot...

How about those new airline ads? You know the ones with the sexy airhostesses causing a stir as they seductively stride though the airport giving male passengers the eye. Sex sells even when the airline you work for is called Virgin...

Google Street View car mows down deer...

Google Street View: for or against? Google Maps, Google Earth, Google Latitude – there always seems to be a big panic about privacy issues every time Google bring out a new app. But people are really going to freak out about the latest Google app, which involves mowing down cute animals with the Google camera cars. It’s called Google Killer View™ and is due for release this summer...

Google Street View car runs down deer - the shadow of the camera-mounted car is visible on the road.

Good Luck Lads...

It’s almost upon us. The Six Nations Grand Slam is just 80 minutes of rugby away. Ireland have been lucky to come this far in the championship without picking up any injuries, so the only ailment that can affect us now is the remote chance of all out kidney failure...

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

The great thing about St Patrick’s Day is that anything goes in the name of Irishness. Nice to see the Irish Premier Brian Cowan get a warm welcome from U.S. President and fellow Irishman Barry O’Bama. But the presentation of the bowl of shamrocks is getting a bit old at this stage. It needs more of a wow factor. For next year we should pull out all the stops by attempting the capture of a live and preferably uninjured traditional Irish Leprechaun, to be gifted to President Obama in a tasteful lime green cage. It won't be easy to catch one though. We all know how cunning those little bastards can be...

Economies of Scale...

How about that Bernie Madoff guy. The ex-chairman of the Nasdaq committed the largest fraud ever, amounting to $65 billion and is now facing up to 150 years in prison. But that’s only one year in prison for every $430 million; not such a bad return when you think about it. So when it comes to stealing: save time by stealing in bulk...

Can You Feel It...

I see that Michael Jackson is playing the O2 arena in London for a whole string of concerts over the summer. Tickets to the shows are supposed to be the fastest selling in history, but there are some doubts over whether the aging Jacko can still deliver on stage. One fan queuing to buy tickets said, “I want to see everything - I want to see him do all the dance moves that he can still do without injuring himself”. I’d go one step further, I’d also like to see him do all the moves he can still do without injuring himself, and then just one move in which he does do himself a small injury. Nothing major just a slight hamstring tweak or groin strain. No malice intended here, it’s just so I know where the boundary is...

What Goes Up...

I hate department stores with escalators that lift you gracefully to upper floors, but when you land there you find the only way back down is by the old knee crunching medieval stairs. Isn't that like false advertising or something? If they bring me up by escalator, don't I have some sort of consumer right to an escalator back down?..

Blowin' Sh!te...

I see a lot of "new and improved" hand dyers in toilets these days all claiming to use less power, dry your hands quicker, be kinder to the environment and save money. But as far as I can see the only difference between these new fangled models and the old ones is that the new ones just blow a bit faster. So how come nobody thought of this before? Did it really take global warming, an energy crisis and a worldwide credit crunch to give those at the cutting edge of hand dryer technology, the groundbreaking idea of turning the air speed up a notch or two on these puppies? Hence, when it comes to brilliant minds, saving the planet and getting you out of the jacks that bit quicker, let's hear it for those unsung heros of the hand dryer industry. Fair play to ye lads.

Walk on by...

I've got a problem. I can't seem walk past those guys in the street who hand out flyers. See I feel guilty if I just ignore them. Plus since everyone else is ignoring them, I feel like giving them a break. So I stick my hand out and take a copy of whatever crap they're handing out. This would not normally be a big issue (yes I end up with those too), but being based in London these days, I meet a lot more people handing stuff out. My record so far is eleven flyers, two free newspapers and a complimentary pack of anti-viral tissues. Help!..

Door Knob or Door Snob?..

What’s the story with door holding etiquette? You’re walking through a long corridor with lots of unnecessary doors and there’s someone in front of you. So passing through a door the guy in front holds it open and you say “thank you”. Sounds fine, only thing is after 3 or more doors, you with all your thank yous start sounding like a right knob. So you try to overcome this issue by mixing it up a bit, you might say “thanks” for the first door, “cheers” for the second door and “thanks a lot” for the third door. But isn’t that a bit too much effort, I mean how thankful do you have to be anyway? Gee buddy thanks for not slamming the door in my face. So you say nothing, but now you're a door snob..